How do You Find the Right Person to Marry?
Finding the right person to marry has been a question the people have asked since our parents stop arranging our marriages. When our parents did the arranging we didn't need to ask the question because it would have been taken as disobedience by our parents. We weren't given a choice as to who would be our marriage partner. We accepted our parent's choice and determined to be successful to honor our parents or at least avoid their humiliation.
No longer do our parents make the choice so we have to choose on our own. So how do I choose? Where do I look? On what should I base my decision? Is there anyone out there that can help me? What should I be looking for? The criterion for selecting a spouse is really unique to you. We all have different ideas of what they should be or not be. I would encourage everyone to make their list of desirable aspects for a spouse. Once you make the list make each item as either "Nice to have", "Preferable" or "Required". Now let's make it hard, if you have more than 15% of your list marked required you have made the list too exclusive and you should consider modifying it to reduce the number of required to less than 15%, then the preferable items to less than 35%. You now have a usable list to compare potential candidates against.
Remember to review this list regularly and update it as your desires change. Our desires change as we interact with people in this quest and we identify other criteria that we want to add or subtract from the list. These changes result from our meeting someone who exhibits a characteristic that we enjoy or dislike in a companion.
You need to look for a spouse in a place that you enjoy going to. Many people choose to look in places that they would not otherwise go to because there is a larger pool of possible contact to choose from there. This can be a mistake because if you go to place that you don't enjoy being at and you find someone there that enjoys the environment, how well do you think the two of you will match up. I have talked to many people who found their mate at a bar and then wondered why they were always drinking. Our people have meet their mate in a church event and then wondered why they were such devote church goers. While it is OK to drift a bit from this rule, don't be surprised if you don't find the perfect match there. Quantity of choices does not guarantee quality. Remember you are only looking for one person that you can live your life with.
Once you have meet the potential right person, get to know as much about them as possible. Let them learn about you and see how they respond as you share yourself with them. Get to know their family and friends. If you don't get along with their parents, it could be you will have the same issues with them in a few years, we tend to become like our parents in how we address problems. The friends that they associate with also show you what is important to them. Are these the kind of friends you want in your home for the next few years? Ask your parents and friends what they think of the candidate, they may see something you are blind to.
The decision of who should be based on who you are willing to make a commitment to and support for the rest of your life. If you are not willing to place that person well being ahead of your own then do not marry them. If this is a commitment that each of you make and keep with each other than your will have a happy successful marriage. All marriage that fail, fail because one or both of the partners decides to place their own interests ahead of the partners.
No longer do our parents make the choice so we have to choose on our own. So how do I choose? Where do I look? On what should I base my decision? Is there anyone out there that can help me? What should I be looking for? The criterion for selecting a spouse is really unique to you. We all have different ideas of what they should be or not be. I would encourage everyone to make their list of desirable aspects for a spouse. Once you make the list make each item as either "Nice to have", "Preferable" or "Required". Now let's make it hard, if you have more than 15% of your list marked required you have made the list too exclusive and you should consider modifying it to reduce the number of required to less than 15%, then the preferable items to less than 35%. You now have a usable list to compare potential candidates against.
Remember to review this list regularly and update it as your desires change. Our desires change as we interact with people in this quest and we identify other criteria that we want to add or subtract from the list. These changes result from our meeting someone who exhibits a characteristic that we enjoy or dislike in a companion.
You need to look for a spouse in a place that you enjoy going to. Many people choose to look in places that they would not otherwise go to because there is a larger pool of possible contact to choose from there. This can be a mistake because if you go to place that you don't enjoy being at and you find someone there that enjoys the environment, how well do you think the two of you will match up. I have talked to many people who found their mate at a bar and then wondered why they were always drinking. Our people have meet their mate in a church event and then wondered why they were such devote church goers. While it is OK to drift a bit from this rule, don't be surprised if you don't find the perfect match there. Quantity of choices does not guarantee quality. Remember you are only looking for one person that you can live your life with.
Once you have meet the potential right person, get to know as much about them as possible. Let them learn about you and see how they respond as you share yourself with them. Get to know their family and friends. If you don't get along with their parents, it could be you will have the same issues with them in a few years, we tend to become like our parents in how we address problems. The friends that they associate with also show you what is important to them. Are these the kind of friends you want in your home for the next few years? Ask your parents and friends what they think of the candidate, they may see something you are blind to.
The decision of who should be based on who you are willing to make a commitment to and support for the rest of your life. If you are not willing to place that person well being ahead of your own then do not marry them. If this is a commitment that each of you make and keep with each other than your will have a happy successful marriage. All marriage that fail, fail because one or both of the partners decides to place their own interests ahead of the partners.
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